I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
