seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
