He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
