hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
