Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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