They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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