What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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