in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We just shotgunned beers for America
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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