Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
