I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
