i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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