you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
