Screwed.edu
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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