Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
