God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have feelings that need drinking.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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