Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
