I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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