you traded sex for a burrito?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
