There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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