You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
