Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
