I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
