You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
