Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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