I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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