I am puke
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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