yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
