I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
