weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
