covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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