...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
