I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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