how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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