the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize