i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
