Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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