I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
