You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
