I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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