My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
