I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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