Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
