Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
