drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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