I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm bleeding and have questions
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
