Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
