so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
