Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
