I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
