dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
