I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
