I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
