I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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