i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
