he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
