Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
