During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize