my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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