I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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