If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
