...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
