I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do herpes really smell.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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