Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
