id be glad to
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
