I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
