It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
