OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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