I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I understand Curling. That high.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
