sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
