Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
